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Below are the 6 most recent journal entries recorded in talking monkeys' LiveJournal:

Thursday, June 26th, 2003
4:07 am
[otimus]
Add me to your friends list or GOD will get you!
Saturday, November 23rd, 2002
7:32 pm
[zetlen]
i can't decide whether this is a stupid thing to do, or the coolest
(prologue: I am house-sitting for Kate, my girlfriend-at-college, for the next week. Ten minutes ago I sat down at her computer and logged on to her user proile, which apparently carries with it an auto-sign-on MSN Instant Messenger. No sooner had MSNIM come on than I received this.

belly-button lint says:
hey you, whare are you?
belly-button lint says:
where*
Kate says:
Well
Kate says:
I suppose you could say I'm in Spain
belly-button lint says:
?
Kate says:
it would be true, except for the identifier.
Kate says:
Because Kate IS in Spain
Kate says:
But this isn't Kate.
belly-button lint says:
?
belly-button lint says:
You have totally lost me....oh
belly-button lint says:
what?
Kate says:
I'm house sitting for kate
Kate says:
making sure her cats don't overthrow the government
Kate says:
Yes, she is in Spain.
belly-button lint says:
then who is this?
Kate says:
Ahh. The questions already begin to fly
Kate says:
It's James
Kate says:
you?
belly-button lint says:
ah, this is Richard... I thought she was leaving next week (**EDITOR'S NOTE: THE NAME "RICHARD" CAUGHT ME QUITE BY SURPRISE. I HAVE SPOKEN WITH SOME OF YOU ABOUT THIS PERSON AND HIS PARTICULAR PLACE IN KATE'S LIFE AT THE MOMENT. THOSE OF YOU I HAVE NOT, PLEASE ASK SOMEBODY ELSE TO FILL YOU IN**)
belly-button lint says:
hello james
Kate says:
Oh!
Kate says:
Hi Richard
Kate says:
Well, she's not leaving at the same time as her parents, because, well
Kate says:
they're on opposite sides of the country.
belly-button lint says:
very interesting, right
belly-button lint says:
that explains it
Kate says:
So her folks left on Thursday. She leaves Monday, i think
belly-button lint says:
that sounds right
Kate says:
Hopefully her tonsillitis will have cleared up.
belly-button lint says:
yep
Kate says:
Generally she acts pretty brave about being sick...you can never tell how bad it really is. When I found out she was being told to skip school, i worried quite a bit.
belly-button lint says:
she does seem like the bravado stuff
Kate says:
Not so much bravado. She just doesn't make a big deal out of things.
belly-button lint says:
so your house sitting for the fam?
Kate says:
In a manner of speaking
belly-button lint says:
feeding the cats..
Kate says:
My duties are to sleep here, get the mail, feed the cats and throw a party if I want. I don't think they even expect me to clean
belly-button lint says:
sweet deal
Kate says:
Yesterday I had four drunken naked girls in her parents' jacuzzi. We almost broke a champagne flute
Kate says:
lucky me.
belly-button lint says:
sounds like your having a blast... getting prepared for the big USC parties
belly-button lint says:
practicing if you will
Kate says:
Oh, in a huge way. Mopped Courvoisier off the hardwood floors the rest of the night.
Kate says:
we shorted out one of the televisions, but i plan on buying one that looks exactly like it.
belly-button lint says:
thats the wrong place for the courvoisier...
Kate says:
Well, originally it was courvoisier that had been inside a fourteen-year-old girlfriend of some guy, but she deposited it on the floor. Some people don't take too kindly to Rohypnol
Kate says:
oh and we hotboxed the cats, which was hilarious.
belly-button lint says:
i always did parties at other peoples houses, we'de lock everything that could be moved into one room, and waste a roll of film on how thing had been set up....
belly-button lint says:
enlighten me, hotbox?
Kate says:
Oh, you put 'em in a kennel with a bong
Kate says:
Funny shit.
Kate says:
Anyway. i'm assuming you won't be telling Kate about any of this?
belly-button lint says:
reminds me of Gringo, my friends dog and our habit of putting beer in his water bowl
belly-button lint says:
you got my word of honor
belly-button lint says:
though i probably wont be able to hold in the amazing news of meeting you, in a matter of speaking...
belly-button lint says:
does IM constitute a meeting?
Kate says:
I think that once all these new communication media have settled into society, we'll have a notion of what it really means
Kate says:
I consider us introduced but not met.
belly-button lint says:
that works
Kate says:
But we'll meet again
Kate says:
Don't know where, don't know when
Kate says:
*violins*
belly-button lint says:
sounds good. I'm sure youll come visit some time in the relatively near future
Kate says:
Probably. Right now my main concerns are getting the sperm stains off of Kate's bedside table. I shouldn't have let those two guys use her bed...I don't even know them.
-----------------------------------------

What the hell have I just done?
Wednesday, November 20th, 2002
8:10 pm
[captainmplanet]
I hope you forget that you have a mailbox.
Hi kids! Another amusing anecdote...you're welcome to kick me if you don't get a kick out of this. I know I sure did.

In September and October, I was dating this guy, Nick. I'm at college in Minneapolis and Nick is at high school in Green-freakin'-Bay, Wisconsin. Long-distance relationship. Eh.

Nick decided after two and half months into it that he didn't care to continue our relationship. The distance was too much for his booty-lovin' self, I suppose. He asked me if what we really had was "love" or if it was merely infatuation. A valid question, I'll admit.

You're yawning and waiting for me to get to the humor.

So three or four days before he broke up with me, I had no idea that our relationship was in trouble (he's a good liar) and thus sent him a painting in the mail. On the painting, I had written the words from a Dashboard Confessional song:

You wrote the words I LOVE YOU
And sprayed it with perfume...


etc.

So...hehehe...he received the package the very day after we broke up!

I think that's hilarious!

I'm going to go...snort some soy milk powder now...or something.

Current Mood: amused
1:38 am
[zetlen]
let's see if i can get through this with a straight face
(preface: i don't know why i'm doing this. I mean i'm totally breaking the mood here, but i think every truly thriving LJ community needs a scribbling dork in the corner. So i'm-a-gonna post a poem in heather's community. This is one I read at Caffe Vita tonight, during my feature, to which only one of my friends came.)

YOU STREET FIGHTERCollapse )
Tuesday, November 19th, 2002
10:50 pm
[captainmplanet]
Life, or Soymething Like It
Hi kids.

Wanna hear a bedtime story?

My birthday is on Thursday. I will be nineteen. This is SOY exciting. Turning nineteen is a milestone in my culture. Where I come from (WHERE?), turning nineteen means you can drink all the soy milk you want. In fact you can walk right into a soy milk bar and step up to the counter and order a soygarita or a soyquila or a SoyMilk Mary or a soydriver or a Soy on the Beach or a Soyhama Mama.

Soy, speaking of soymilk, I reached into the mini-refrigerator for soyme of the stuff (yes, I keep a little carton of it in my fridge, illegally...c'mon, give me a BREAK...I'll be OF AGE in a matter of DAYS) and was horrified to discover that said soy milk was, more or less, a frozen block of ice. SOY ICE. Mmm mmm good. Nuts! SOY nuts! I just wanted a soy cap - to HELL with soybriety, people - before bedtime, but our frigid fridge had other ideas.

Nothing like a hardened hunk of soy milk on a chilly autumn night.

SOY it goes.

Current Mood: unsoytisfied
Monday, November 18th, 2002
8:44 pm
[tanukisuit]
English 102 is a bunch of tripe. I've decided to make my research paper 20 pages long instead of ten pages long so the teacher will have twice as much to read. Ha, take that, bitch!

We have to write a counter argument that's two pages long, so my paper would have to be for oil drilling in the Arctic Refuge. I'm tempted to title that paper, "A Seal Walks into a Club" (courtesy of James Zetlen). A title like that would be quite the attention grabber.
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